Tea, Andagi & the Wisdom of Our Kūpuna

One of my favorite homecomings is teatime with my Japanese-Okinawan kūpuna.

Whenever I return to Oʻahu, she somehow always has a place waiting for me at the table.

This visit, she welcomed me with andagi (アンダギー)—a beloved Okinawan sweet whose roots trace back to Southern China. These golden, deep-fried dough balls are lightly sweetened with a pleasantly dense, cake-like interior. They aren’t overly sweet, which makes them a beautiful pairing for fukamushi sencha, a deep-steamed Japanese green tea celebrated for its rich body, mellow sweetness, and vibrant emerald infusion.

The pairing was delicious.

But the conversation was even richer.

All about the slow down. A warm cup naturally invites us to linger a little longer, ask another question, and listen without rushing to respond.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that our elders carry something no book can fully capture: lived experience.

Their stories are filled with joy.

Sacrifice. Resilience. Love.

Tea creates space for those stories to be shared.

One Japanese proverb beautifully reflects this spirit:

聞くは一時の恥、聞かぬは一生の恥
(Kiku wa ittoki no haji, kikanu wa isshō no haji.)

“To ask is a moment’s embarrassment; not to ask is a lifetime’s embarrassment.” (STOP GIVING A HOOT ^_^)

It’s a reminder that wisdom begins with humility. When we’re willing to ask questions—and truly listen—we receive gifts that cannot be learned any other way.

Whether your elder is a grandparent, a mentor, a neighbor, or someone you’ve chosen as family, I hope you’ll make time to share a cup of tea with them.

Ask about their childhood.

Ask about the moments that shaped them.

Ask what they wish they had known at your age.

One day, you’ll realize those conversations became part of your own story.

Some recipes nourish the body.

The conversations around the table nourish the soul.

So today, brew a pot of tea.

Find a favorite sweet.

Pull up another chair.

And listen with love.

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